while taking a yoga class this morning (fiona cole at yoga house in pasadena is amazing folks!) i had an amazing break through in my mind/body. i relaxed into it! this may not seem like much, but as someone who is used to constantly trying to get each action and do it perfectly ~ this is HUGE!
i am an overachiever and i always have been. i make things happen. i have a hundred things to do and i am constantly on task. if i have a teacher i like, i work exceptionally hard to impress them and do everything perfect (oh yeah, if you haven’t figured it out ~ i am also a perfectionist). i try so very hard to get things done and to do them well. not, not well ~ perfect.
in yoga this has always correlated to basically forcing myself into the pose. i didn’t see as that of course, but now that i have tasted the fruits of “easing” into a pose..... i know now that’s what it was. concentrating so hard on what muscle needed to be moving which direction and what bone had to be releasing which way and by george ~ i was gonna get my body to do it. and over the past couple of weeks i have had small moments of my body knowing to gently move something to make the pose more aligned. and it’s hard to describe, but it’s as if a breath of air will move into that part of my body (without my mind being the lead) and my muscles expand and open and just know where they need to be without my head being bossy and telling them where to go.
today it happened over and over and over again. my mind finally just stepped out of it and began to observe. my body took the lead and i had this amazing sense of opening without trying so hard... of not forcing it, but relaxing into it. i have heard this said in one variation or another for years. i thought i was doing quite well at finding the steadiness as well as the softness (sthira and sukha by their sanskrit names). only today have i realized i have been holding on so very tight and that i had only found the sthira, the steadiness. now i have begun to taste the equilibrium between the two.
i know i have a long way to go, but after spending years of trying to “let go” ~ it is nice to have the fruits of that labor settle into my bones.
“letting go does not have to mean losing control, it can simple mean making some space to create something new.” (author not know) i have repeated this quote so many times to myself and to my students. i was attracted to it, knowing i had something to learn. it speaks to me now more than ever.
is there something you can “let go” of?