i have started this enrty about 3 times trying to find something deep to say or enlightening, but i’ll be honest - nothing is happening inside this head this morning. my brain is moving like a slug across a garden floor.
of course it doesn’t help that i’ve had coffee most every morning lately and i am trying not to today. i have this strange relationship with coffee. i love it! especially on fall and winter mornings. however, my body and mind get wired and don’t feel real healthy on it. i can’t have coffee past 2pm or it messes up my sleep patterns. sometimes if i still myself i can feel my heart racing. i am quick to anxiety and fast breathing. and my mouth runs a hundred words a minute for about an hour. but did i mention i LOVE it! both the taste (with cream please) and the ritual of it. so there is this constant struggle i have with my mind. “i want it”. “not today. you can have it on sundays”. “coffee would taste so good though. come on - just a 1/2 a cup.” and on and on and sometimes the physically healthier part of my mind wins and sometimes the craving side wins. i have yet to figure out the will power part of me. it is coming little by little, but i want it NOW (similar to everything i want).
so i struggle in my loop. i get upset i can’t have what i want. i then break down and have what i want. then i get mad for breaking down and giving in. then i usually feel crappy physically for eating/drinking/doing the thing that isn’t good for me. and hit play and repeat.
today i am practicing patience. with myself! patience with the fact that i want coffee and think i shouldn’t. patience with the fact that i am not perfect and sometimes choose things that are not good for me and that is okay. and patience with the fact that i get better everyday that i bring awareness to my challenges in life, even if it is not at the pace i would like it to be!!!!
so will i have coffee??? probably. and is that okay ~ not entirely, but i will be stronger on another day soon. i just know it! :-)
this week’s classes:
monday, october 18 / 7:00am-8:00am @ bien etre studio
monday, october 18 / 12:00pm-1:00pm @ 24 hour fitness hollywood
wednesday, october 20 / 6:30pm-7:45pm @ bien etre studio
saturday, october 23 / 11:15am-12:30pm @ bien etre studio