The glass is 1/2…?

The glass is 1/2…?

   i have always considered myself a positive person, but as i've grown

   wiser ~ i've noticed that i love to put a negative tinge on everything.


   "i love the work i'm doing right not, but....... i'm not making money

   to pay my bills."

   "my car is awesome, but...... i don't like it's leather seats and it's

   heating console."

   "i like living in los angeles, but...... i don't like the hot summers,

   the traffic, etc........"

   "i really enjoyed that play, but...... that lead actor was terrible."


   everytime i think about my childhood, i think about the bad memories.

   it's not that nothing good happened... it did. but when i look at

   pictures and i talk to my grandma and aunts and uncles and we talk

   about the good times at get togethers, family dinners, helping g&g

   rhodes garden ~ i can't remember them. and/or when the memories do come

   back, why must my mind always then say "but......" and take me to

   another place that is not positive.


   I need to put the disclaimer (but.....) on everything and i'm still

   discovering why this is. there is a slight and constant discontent.

   yes, part of it is a learned habit, but i'm still doing it and making a

   choice to. for some reason i need to let people know that life's not

   perfect. is it so i don't seem like i have more then others? is it so

   people know i'm aiming for more? is it my fear of failure/success? is

   it so i can show how discerning my critical mind is? i'm sure it is

   some or all of this and more. (i definitely still need to do more

   awareness work here.)


   some years ago, a teacher introduced the yogic concept of replacing bad

   thoughts with good and i've been coming back around to this lately and

   trying to explore it more. the idea being that if negative thoughts

   creep in, you replace them with positive ones. we all know that that is

   easier said then done. so if it's seemingly impossible to replace the

   thought with a positive one, move to someplace more positive.

   literally! get up and move away from the situation, go out into nature

   or go stand by someone you love and shift your mind that way.


   at first it was almost always impossible to find a positive thought

   when i would be hurt or annoyed. i would think how ridiculous it was to

   try to love something i was sure i hated. i would be resistent to the

   exercise even though it was happening in my head and i was the only one

   judging myself. at first i had a hard time replacing the thoughts and

   so i just choose to walk away from frustrating situations   and

   eventually i could calm myself down. this has been an amazing tool for

   me since i used to sit and wallow in the negative situation and end up

   feeling worse.


   but slowly and over time, i have gotten to a point where when someone

   mistreats me,

   instead if thinking:

   "you are such a jerk. i can't believe you just cut in line in front of

   all of us who have been waiting longer than you."

   i can think:

   "i have no idea what happened to you today or in your lifetime to cause

   you to act this way, but i feel sorry for you."


   instead of thinking:

   "you bitch. i can't believe you are going to talk to me so demeaningly

   and treat me like i'm a 4 year old who needs to be punished when i've

   done nothing wrong."

   i can think:

   "it is clear you are an unhappy person and i hope that you find



   instead of thinking:

   "oh my god, how in the heck am i going to pay my bills. it is so unfair

   that you are moving. why would you do this to me?"

   i can think:

   "i lost a client and i have to find a new job, but room has been made

   for something new and the universe will provide"


   another tool i've used a lot is writing positively in my journal. i am

   a journaler and had always used it as a way to think things through but

   mainly i used it to vent things since i never wanted people to know

   what was going on inside of me. so my journals were usually a lot of

   venom and confusion. now i allow myself to think things through, but i

   always need to point out the positive things about a situation or

   person. also i end every entry with at least one thing i am grateful

   for. i journal first thing in the morning and to start the day thinking

   about my life in a positive way and walk away with one thing i am

   grateful for...... it's just powerful.


   i still have moments where i lean towards my glass being 1/2 empty. i

   still have times where i acknowledge the good and immediately add the

   "but.....". BUT........ i am learning to change my pattern of

   negativity. i am CHOOSING to change it. i stop myself when i begin to

   go to a negative place and try to find something positive. if i can't

   find something positive, i make it up and pretend or i just walk into a

   positive environment just to make it through without all that angst,

   adrenaline, short breathing, upset tummy, and venomous thinking.

   because guess what? in the long run, it affects me more then it does

   the person/thing i'm pissed at. and it affects not only my mind, but my

   body negatively. i am a firm believer that stress and negativity

   manifest themselves in our body in the form of sickness and disease.


   as with everything ~ i have a ways to go, but i'm on the path and that

   sure is something.


   i am grateful that i finally wrote my "newsletter" and that you

   beautiful people are willing to go along on the ride!



   one evening an old cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes

   on inside people.

   he said, "my son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.


   "one is evil ~ it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,

   arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false

   pride, superiority, and ego.


   "the other is good ~ it is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility,

   kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and



   the grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his

   grandfather: "which wolf wins?"


   the old cherokee simply replied, "the one you feed."






I hate...

I hate...