2012 Sucked (Kind of)!
this year sucked! it just did. i was served up some pretty difficult circumstances over and over again. big ones like dealing with the loss of family members and many hospital visits to family with major health issues. little ones like stressing out over a job that was just too big for me to deal with and the hot hot heat of los angeles. i felt like i couldn't even wrap myself around one challenge and the next would come and knock me off my feet. i'm pretty sure i didn't even get off the ground after some point.
but for the first time in my life i realized that just because my situation sucks, that doesn't mean that i have to.
this is huge for me. in the past when something challenging happens, i immediately either seize up or so many emotions surge up that they envelope me and i am unable to function in any positive manner. EVERYTHING ends up being terrible just because of the one challenge. i feel like i often made things worse and would then plummet into an even deeper depression. one that i may not have started, but one that i definitely worsened.
not this year. each time a challenge would present itself, i would take many pauses and moments of reflection. i have learned that it is not healthy to hold on tight to the emotions that arise with challenges/hardship, nor do you just push it away and "choose happiness". it's about taking the pauses and becoming conscious about what is happening. realizing that if a situation is bad, guess what? it's going to change. and if a situation is good, guess what? it will change too. rather then getting into a conversation with my feelings and possibly exacerbating them, i would pause and bring my awareness to them. i would relax as much as i could in THAT particular moment and try to see the situation more clearly.
i did that over and over again. i felt the initial blow of the challenge, i realized it wasn't the end of the world and that i would be okay, i tried to find the positive things within the situation, i separated the situation from who i am, and i observed my feelings until i was able to move through them (not past or away from them mind you).
don't misunderstand me. i was depressed. i cried every day for about 3 months. i still had the emotions of difficulty, loss, and anger. but i didn't wallow in them. i paused during every moment i could in order to remind myself to reflect on who i was, how i was feeling, why i felt that way, and if i could surrender and let go of any of the negativity. and it took time. and i still miss the loved ones i lossed. and i still feel the burden of being overbooked. but i know that i am okay and that i am a good person. i love who i've become and those challenges don't change that. in fact, if i let them ~ they help me grow into a more lovely person.
every hard situation has since passed and in between those difficulties there was laughter and joy and love. i kept repeating, "and this too shall pass." and so far it has.
when you are able to contain both the light and dark together, that is a very enlightening state. it means that you no longer have to choose one experience over another. you do not have to choose love or hate, blame or forgiveness, sadness or joy, anger or openheartedness. you are no longer polarized; no particular feeling boxes you in and keeps you from the light of true self. you then have access to the full range of human experiences you came into this life to embrace.
martia nelson
** always,
cjj
-----------------------------------------------------------
community classes
------------------------------------------------------------
monday morning class location link
(off for the holidays will resume january 7)
mondays
9:00am - 10:00am
$5 donation
yoga blend
south pasadena theatre wkshp
1507 north el centro avenue
south pasadena, ca 91030
arroyo community
select mondays
6:00pm-7:00pm
$5 donation
yoga blend
vallejo church drive
300 vallejo drive
glendale, ca 91206
------------------------------------------------------------
yoga house pasadena
------------------------------------------------------------
11 west state street
pasadena, ca91105
sundays
6:00pm-7:30pm
level 1/2
mondays
7:00am-8:15am
level 1/2
fridays
7:00am-8:15am
level 1
------------------------------------------------------------
24 hour fitness
** my last class at 24 hr fitness is wednesday, december 19
please come and join me as i say goodbye to this chapter in my life!